i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
