So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
