my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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