I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't think brook has ever known best
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
