Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
