Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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