I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
