ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
