I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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