so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
