You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
