It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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