Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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