I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
