I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize