so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
