Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize