I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
