I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
