Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
