"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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