He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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