we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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