I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
