First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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