Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
