Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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