my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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