He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
