Do you still have your period?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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