I wannas sexs uuuuu
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
