We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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