Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
