hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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