What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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