girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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