she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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