Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
