boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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