I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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