you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
