I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
