your parents love me but you hate me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
