I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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