The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
