The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
