I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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