Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
