Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
