At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
