i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
