Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
