dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize