i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
