That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
