my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
