Rock
Scissors
Fuck
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
