the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
