Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
