he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
