I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize