Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
soo... how was my night?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
