that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
