So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
