she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
