oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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