You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
