First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Can't talk, ducks in the car
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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